Work has been stressful lately. I’m sure I’m not the only one this applies to…I’m pretty sure lots of you are in the boat where fewer people are having to do more work, possibly accompanied by pay cuts or layoffs or just the general overwhelming craziness of it all. It takes a toll on the best of us when it continues for months…and the stress tends to manifest itself in the way we talk and react to others.
A co-worker and I were discussing the ball-juggling we’ve all been doing lately and how it affects us and she made the comment that we’ve just got to “love each other through it.” The comment really stuck with me, because it made me realize that a lot of times, it’s love–for the job, the people, or both–that help us get through the stress. I’m more of a people person, and my favorite part of my job is the people I work with, so I’m going to focus on that. Going with the assumption that you love (or at least strongly like) the people you work with, here are some thoughts for how to “love someone through” the difficult times at your job.
- Realize that not everything is personal. When we are tired, stressed out, and lack sleep, our immune systems are down. Notice that “systems” is plural. I’m referring to both the physical and the emotional immune systems. Our emotions are raw, which makes us more vulnerable to what people say about or to us. Sometimes when someone is offering an opinion to us, or even a constructively critical comment, it’s easy to be defensive or take things personally. Keep in mind that generally people are offering that feedback to help you, and try to understand it’s not a personal attack.
- Watch your tone. It’s always important to have professional and positive communication, but even more so when everyone is stretched thin. Recognize that people are likely more sensitive than normal, and it pays in your working relationships to empathize with your co-workers and use a gentle tone to deliver a possibly confrontational message.
- Hold back a little more. You don’t have to say everything that enters your head. Put extra effort into thinking first and speaking second, and ask yourself if what you’re about to say really needs to be said, or it will only make you feel better to get it off your chest. Squelching less important criticisms or comments can go a long way toward keeping things civil during tough times.
- Look for the good in people. Something I’ve recently started doing is trying to pay compliments to the people I work with that are generally more disagreeable or difficult to work with. I do this for a couple of reasons. It helps smooth over past conflicts, and it helps me reduce my complaints and look for more positivity in the day. Everyone has something to contribute, else they wouldn’t work there, right? Find one or two things about those people that help you recognize their value.
- Have a little fun. If you eat lunch every day in the office, go out with the team occasionally, even if it’s to a fast-food joint. Or have everyone take their lunches out to the lawn to eat together. Spend some time talking about non-work things and enjoying the human side of your co-workers (versus the worker side).
- Laugh! So many studies have been done on the benefits of laughter, it’s impossible to ignore them. Share some funny stories or do a harmless practical joke. Lighten the mood however you can and laugh with the people you see every day.
How do you “love people through” stressful times?
I’d say what helps with your first point is to to not take yourself too seriously and be able to laugh at yourself. We are all imperfect, screwed up creatures who, in the big scheme of things, are not as important as we think we are. Not to say you can’t do important things and that you don’t have value (especially in God’s eyes) but that we really are not the center of the universe. Humility.
This is a great list, Alyssa. I especially like “Look for the good in people.” I find that when I say something out loud, I actually tend to believe it more. So when I say something good about a colleague, I’ll think better of them (and so will everyone who hears what I say).
Looking for the good in people also means giving them the benefit of the doubt. When someone says something hurtful, it’s more likely a result of their own frustration than a deliberate attack.
I love this! So good.
Another one I try to do is listen. (This goes along with finding the good in people, since it’s about respect and compassion, regardless of how difficult a person is to work with.) I find that when you really listen to what’s going on with someone else, you get new insight into why they might be causing trouble at work.
Nobody comes to work with the goal of making your day harder. Usually they have their own problems.
Sounds like we all need to apply the Fish philosophy: play, make their day, be there and choose your attitude!
(I have trouble with “be there” since I tend to split my attention between what I’m doing and what someone’s saying to me.)
Great post, Alyssa!
My favorite tip is to “have a little fun.” In addition to off-site lunches and the like, I will also occasionally send around a humorous e-mail, naking sure to poke fun at myself or other team members or a situation (as appropriate). It facilitates a sense of camaraderie when you’re in on a private joke.
Many of my favorite work memories, and the times I learned the most, were hectic times. They were great because of the people I was working with. It’s hard to think of a time when investing energy in kindness and civility doesn’t pay off. The co-workers and managers who did that during the especially-stressful times–those are the people I remember as being great vs. good.
Alakazaam-information found, porblem solved, thanks!